Wednesday, 31 March 2010

The greatest gift of all

Just thinking about what this week is all about. What a great sacrifice was made  thousands of years ago, so we can live a life of freedom and love today. As I was reading a blog I follow, I came across this profound   quote. Something to chew on! 

"To be connected with the church is to be associated with scoundrels, warmongers, fakes, child-molesters, murderers, adulterers and hypocrites of every description.

It also, at the same time, identifies you with saints and the finest persons of heroic soul of every time, country, race, and gender.

To be a member of the church is to carry the mantle of both the worst sin and the finest heroism of soul because the church always looks exactly as it looked at the original crucifixion, God hung among thieves."

-- Fr. Ronald Rolheiser, O.M.I., "The Holy Longing"

Monday, 29 March 2010

Counting blessings....

Oops! The day came and went! It is kind of tuesday...2:12 am! About to go to bed, but here it comes a bit of the blessings from my week :

48. Lemmy's snuggles when he wakes up from his nap.
49. Running in one spot with Marc increasing the minutes day by day ( our little plan to start somewhere in being fit again!)
50. Lemmy's looks and laughs when he see us running and making funny moves.
51. I found a friend that I haven't seen for 17 years! I guess facebook is good for something!
52. Remembering old times and laughing with my friend
53. A long cuddle with my friend's new born, Zoe.
54. A new life is born
55. I got to finished 2 photo albums on line, it took me a long time but loved the results!
56. When Lemmy holds my face with 2 hands to gives me a kiss :)
56. Cuddling with Marc in the couch after a long day.
57. Lemmy's energy
58. To see my son playing and having lots of fun in my friend's house.

holy experience


Gabriela fue mi mejor amiga en la secundaria. No solo nos veiamos en las horas escolares, sino los fines de semana y hablabamos por horas y horas cuando cada una estaba en su casa.  A pesar de los gritos de nuestras madres para cortar. Nunca fuimos de ir a bailar como las demas chicas de nuestras edades, pero si nos quedabamos en casa viendo peliculas hasta el amanecer y criticandolas como 2 periodistas importantes. No recuerdo ninguna pelea, siempre nos llevamos bien desde el dia que la conoci. Un instantaneo click!

Desde que me fui a Hawaii en el 95, no la volvi a ver. Primero nos comunicabamos atraves de cartas. Me abra llegado algunas cartas de ella, a Gaby nunca le llegaron las mias ( me entere ayer) cosa que no me sorprende ya que a mi mama tampoco le llegan mis cartas. EL correo Argentino!. Yo segui mandandole cartas pero nunca recibi su contestacion. La vida sigue su curso.

Pasaron los anios, la tecnologia siguio avanzando. Ahora con facebook uno se empezo a encontrar con miles de ex-amigos desaparecidos, con fulanito y menganito...y asi nos fuimos encontrando, amigos de la primaria, conocidos de la secundaria, etc! 
Siempre quize encontrar a Gabriela. Viviendo en el extranjero nunca llegue muy lejos.
Tuve la oportunidad de volver a Buenos Aires 2 veces desde el 95. Las 2 veces trate de llamarla a su telefono, pero me atendio una viejita que no sabia nada de una tal Gabriela Perez. A veces me imaginaba encontrarla en las calles de nuestros vecindarios, pero nunca tube esa suerte.

Desde que abri mi cuenta en facebook, trate de buscarla, para encontrame a miles y miles de personas con ese nombre y ninguna se parecia a mi amiga. Hace poco lo volvi a intentar, pero nada. Hasta que empeze a buscar a su hermano. De pronto encuentre una cara familiar, pero no estaba muy segura si era el. La ultima vez que lo vi, era un adolecente de pelo largo que ni se le podia ver los ojos. Me anime a escribirle y preguntarle si era el hermano de una tal Gabriela. 
Me olvide del asunto, y a los pocos dias recibo un e-mail departe de el, diciendo que si, que es el hermano y me da el numero de telefono de Gabriela.

Wow! No lo podia creer, enseguida tome el telefono y la llame! Hasta que escuche su vos, no me lo crei! 17 anios despues, logre encontrar a mi amiga! Empezamos a hablar como si no hubiese pasado un dia de la ultima vez que nos vimos! De pronto fue como si me haya trasladado a mi adolecencia. 
Nos pusimos al dia en un tiron, recordamos viejos tiempos, reimos, y estabamos las 2 euforicas sin parar de hablar como por 4 horas seguidas! El tiempo pasaba, eran casi las 3 de la madrugada, y teniamos que cortar, ninguna queria decir adios. 

English version:

Gabriela was my best friend in high school. We just not only saw each other in school hours, but also over the weekends and spend hours and hours talking on the phone while each of us were at home, in spite of our mother's nagging to hang up. We never went out dancing and making out with boys as the other girls did. Our thing was to rent lots of films, watched all day and night and then critique them as if we were 2 important journalists. I don't remember ever fighting. We got along so well, since the first time we met. An instant click!

I haven't seen her since the day I left for Hawaii in 1995. 
At first we used the good old fashioned way, letters. It worked a bit at first. I got a few of hers. She never got any of mine ( I found out yesterday!) It was quite upsetting but not a surprise to me, since my mum never gets my mail either. That's Argentinean mail for you! I sent a few more, never got a reply. Life went on.

Years passed by, technology kept advancing. Now with facebook, old friends finds each other all the time. Friends from primary school found me, girls I knew from high school, etc!
I always wanted to find my lost friend. But living in a different country makes it a bit difficult.
I had the chance to go back to my home town twice in all these years. I tried to called her many times,  only to hear an old woman's voice saying she never knew a Gabriela Perez. If you know what it means to find the John Smith you were looking for, then you know the task I had before me. Sometimes I imagined meeting her in the streets of Buenos Aires, but I never had that luck.

Since I opened my account in facebook, I tried many times to search for her, but thousands of girls with her name appeared and never a familiar face. I tried to look for her brother, but neither one was to be found.
Just recently after so many people found me from back in the day, I tried again. No Gabriela Perez. But when I tried her brother again, this time suddenly I saw a photo with a familiar face. I wasn't 100% sure, since last time I saw him was this teenager with long hair that you could hardly see his eyes. But, I took courage and sent a very polite e-mail to see if this man was my long lost friend's brother.

A few days later, I got an e-mail from him, saying that he was Gaby's brother and here is her phone number. Wow!
I could hardly believe it! I didn't have time to jump of joy, I just ran to the phone, babble something to Marc about her, and rang.  Until I heard her voice, I couldn't believe that it was actually happening! 17 years later I found my friend!
We started talking as if not even a day has passed since last time we saw each other. Suddenly I felt as if I was sitting in my living room years back into my adolescence.
We got up at to date with our lives, we remember old times, we laughed. Oh how loud we laugh! We were both so euphoric that we talked non stop for 4 hours! Time flew by, it was 3 am and we needed to hang up. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Finger painting

25 of March.

I decided to do something new with my little man today while daddy was away.
I discovered that all the journals I have of milestones for Lemmy are not finished, and it will take me a while to go through my other diaries to find the exact dates,etc...if I have them all?!
One of the things to do was to record the hands and foot prints of 1 year old Lemmy. Well, at almost 2 years old and we finally did it this morning! It was fun for mummy! Lemmy was pretty amused at first and when I showed him that he can actually play with the paint using his fingers, he looked rather intrigued. He tried it with reservation and then his face turned to total disgust! Ha ha I recorded 2 little videos of him, super cute! He did one nice piece of art work and then he wanted his hands to be clean. So, it was a short experiment but hoping for some more in the future!

Later on, we rang my mum and while I was talking to her, Lemmy was looking at his favorite train and said: oh! no! sucio! ( dirty) I gave him a little wipe and he started to clean the whole train and some other toys that were near by, he kept on saying: sucio, a limpiar! ( dirty, to clean up)

Every day there is something new with Lemmy. He is such a wonder, I can't believe how much he has grown. I looked at him and I don't see his chubby cheeks anymore, I see a little boy now. Its joy I feel but also sadness of saying goodbye to the baby in him. He is my first son, he made me a mother. I carried him for 9 months and I loved him since day 1. He turns my bad days into a joyful ones, sometimes with just his presence.

He is so sympathetic. If I get hurt, or I sudden think I'm choking from a non stop cough, he comes running to me, saying : mama mama mama , in the most gentle sweet voice, and pats my back and tries to look at my face to see how I am. When I finally stop my coughing fit, or the pain of my elbow subdues after I hit a wardrobe, I look at him to reassure him I'm OK and thank him for his sweetness. He looks back at me and starts smiling big, he giggles, hugs me and kiss me.
If I have a cut on a finger, he says: owie owie ( the American way!) with concern, takes my hand and gives the poor finger a little kiss (on the band aid).

What a wonder, what a miracle. He is forming into an incredible boy, leaving his baby ways behind him and learning new ways.I really pray and hope to raise him in God's way. I know I have lots to learn, and lots to change still. I really hope he turns into a good man, that he will thrive by God's love, that he will be a blessing and bring lots of love and joy as he is already bringing into my life. I want with all my heart to be the best mother he can possible have!

Monday, 22 March 2010

Counting blessings....

34. A hot shower after a cleaning spurt.
35. Marc made the best shepherds pie I ever had!
36. Talking in bed with Marc after a long day.
37. The Zoo on a sunny day like today.
38. Lemmy's kisses, every day blessings!
39. Seeing the elephants walking past us.
40. Marc's hugs, always perfect!
41. A comfy bed to sleep in :)
42. Finally finished reading a book I started a while ago.
43. A family who loves me.
44. Lemmy's jumping of excitment when finding the monkey inside a house of books that I made for him!
45. Lemmy's proud face when he is telling me a new word :)
46. Every time I hear mama coming from his lips.
47. Riding the train with Lemmy, super fun!!

holy experience

My two boys getting some fresh air into their lungs! :) running with daddy is always fun!

Monday, 15 March 2010

Counting blessings....

This last few days was a bit hard as my little sunshine was not his usual self :( . But, there's always blessings to discover!

23. Lemmy asking : leche mimir ( milk-sleep) and going straight to the room so I can get him ready for his nap. Very sweet :)
24. Crispy chicken wings made by Marc ( I just reaaaaally like them!)
25. Lemmy had lots of fun with Marc and Grandpa at the Park, it was a boys day out ( well, just over 1 hour!) ;)
26. I really enjoyed watching an Argentinian film on my own while Marc was playing football.
27. Felt a deep glimpse of God's love while holding Lemmy.
28. Skype! Great to see my sister ( Lemmy's Tia ) any day I want or when Lemmy asks.
29. I found and I was found by lots of school mates.
30. Being a mother
31. The sweetest cards and gift my two loves gave me for Mother's day.
32. The wonderful roast Marc made, and the fact he put apples and grapes in it, mmmm goooood!
33. Lemmy is much better today.

holy experience

Poorly boy making dough!

March 13.

Yesterday my baby had a fever. His first one ever. He seemed fine in the morning, but when he woke up from his nap, he was not a happy boy! I noticed how hot he was, I couldn't check his temperature cause he didn't let me use the two kinds of thermometer we had. He wasn't his usual self, his eyes were droopy, he was subdued, without a spark, he was mopping around, and then coming to mummy for cuddles. At one point I got so worried, I had to put some music on, and then we were both dancing holding each other tight.
Marc was not home, and we decided to give him some medicine ( We have never given him anything before!) But after tasting it, he refused to have it.
Marc came home earlier than planned, and brought a new thermometer, the one you can read in one-second by putting it on the ear. He had 39.4. Wow!

When we put him down at night, the fever had gone down to 36. He had woken up twice before 1 am but then he slept well until about 7ish. But this morning, the temperature was 38.9. Poor little soldier of mine!
Thankfully he seemed much chirpier, more chatty. Though his eyes were still droopy. Oh man! I can't see my little boy sick! It makes me soo sad. I know it is a given as a mother to see your kids go through  many illnesses. But, it is still hard!! Will I ever get use to it? Does it get easier? Feel free to respond to those questions!
He was more clingy than usual, and I gave him my whole attention, and did all that he wanted to do all day. Anything to help the little guy to feel at least a bit better! But at times, he wasn't even sure what he wanted!
I thought it was the perfect time to make play dough.
I have to say, my play dough doesn't look like Leslie's! It started well, but when I added the colors, it became stickier, so I added more flour but then lost a bit of the color. So, red became pinkish...not soo great!
Lemmy in the other hand, had lots of fun helping in the process of making the dough! Not so much into the least we had fun!!

Here is a little video of him stirring the ingredients. Photos of the dough will come later.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

The little faces

Yesterday when I was checking my e-mails, I came across one of those " mass forwarded e-mails" that majority of people just delete with a click without thinking. Me, on the other hand, I don't want to feel like I'm missing out, so I have to check at least the first sentences to see what it is about before I press the delete button.
This time I was glad I did! It was about a courageous Polish woman, Irena Sendler who risked her life to save the lives of 2.500 children during the 2nd world war. When I was reading about this woman's life, I began to cry. She took risks daily, she was tortured, she was sentenced to death by the firing squad and escaped, she lived her life as if there was no tomorrow. She looked radiant at 98, and died later that year.
I have a few heroes in paperback, who challenge me, who take me to a deeper place, who encourage me to live a fuller life, surrendering mine into the hands of love.
George Muller was another of my heroes, a totally different kind, but also he saved children by giving them a home and an education, living each day by faith alone.
Irena said in her words, that the children were the ones who suffered the most, the vulnerable ones, and that's why they needed to be saved. The children.
I can't even imagine being in her shoes, it's overwhelming just thinking about it.
What an amazing life she lived, amazing things she did, an amazing love she put into practice.
If there was a little of that love in each one of us, I bet the world would look very different.
My dream was always to save the hurt, the vulnerable, to save the children, the overlooked, the mistreated, the abused ones.
When I think of them, the ones I have met face to face, it takes me back to a painful place. To a place that sometimes I want to escape from. Who likes to be in that place? Where is too much pain to bear.
I think of a little girl I met with Leukemia, almost 2 years old, who called me mama mama, every time  she saw me walk in the door of that South African hospital for terminal ill children. She loved me, I could see it in her eyes, or was it a silent plead for help? Her own mother couldn't be with her on her last days because she couldn't pay for the bus ticket and had other kids to look after (that was what the nurse told me). As I was feeding her in my lap, the nurse told me with a wink in her eyes: you know, she can feed herself perfectly fine, but she loves when you do it. My heart broke a bit inside of me that day. She was so tiny, so fragile. And that was just one face, there were many more on that day, on that week, on those months I spent there.
How many more in the world? I want to help more, I dream to make a difference. I want to go back to that place. I know it is painful, but I know it is love.
I believe we can all be part of it, either praying or giving towards the needs. Every little bit will be part of the big picture.
Every day that I spend with my son, loving, playing, cuddling, kissing, eating, comforting, singing, dancing, reading, laughing, tickling, my heart aches of love for my little one. I cry with him if he is in pain after a fall, I want so badly to make him feel better right away. Life is a hard place sometimes, and when I think of all the little ones that they don't get to have that soft touch, that tight hug, my heart aches a bit more. And that's what I would like, for a little one to be loved, to know that somebody loves them, that it can be tangible and warm whatever they will be.

I would like to thank to some friends that they are doing it right now, I admire you for it, and I want you to know that you are doing an amazing work!! Keep it up!

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

5 years

5 years together,
5 years of laughter and joy,
5 years of grace,
5 years of growing,
5 years of learning,
5 years of memories,
5 years of change and transformation,
5 years of security,
5 years of victory,
5 years closer,
5 years of love.

Happy Anniversary my love!!!!!

Five years is five years of glory and grace from our Father.

What a gift is to have you as my husband, you are more than my heart ever desire, you complete me!!

Monday, 8 March 2010

Counting blessings....

Gratitude monday,
Here goes my list for the week :

11. My son turned 20 months old!!
12. My husband and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary! :)
13. More sunshine :)
14. A beautiful, meaningful gift by my love
15. We went to one of the National Trust places to visit in England, Hughenden Manor.
16. Marc took me to the restaurant that I had always wanted to go to in his hometown, and we enjoyed every bite!
17. Lemmy was a very good boy, sitting for 2 hours while we had our 3 course meal! He loved his meal too :)
18. Marc's album is finally mixed and mastered!!
19. Worshipping in the car, and in our house with Marc's new album! :) I absolutely love it!
20. My son's strong tight hugs.
21. Having daddy at home more :)
22. Seeing my friend Wendy who is back from the Ecuador.
23. Lemmy playing with Ella (my friend's daughter) so well, and having so much fun at church.

holy experience

Saturday, 6 March 2010


5th of March.

Receiving a gift is like getting a rare gemstone; any way you look at it, you see beauty refracted. 

I really like that verse, I was just reading it the other day, and I thought how very true it is, specially for someone like me who loves gifts :) 

Today was our 5th wedding anniversary!! This morning Marc came with a little bag of small gifts with a card. His words are always beautiful and no doubt there will always be tears as they go straight to my soul.
If you ever read the book "5 languages of love", you will understand how each person has its own "love language". My highest score is gifts by far, then quality time comes a close second. Basically I have a bit of all of them, except acts of service, which scored the lowest! 
So, for me when it comes to giving gifts, it comes naturally, but for Marc it's a real effort, which it makes it the more special.

We read that one of the traditional gifts for the 5th anniversary is wood. Marc hasn't really followed this in the past, unless I requested something specific ( which sometimes he wants to know ) 
So, days ago, I orderd a "love spoon" from wales, which I thought it was sweet, with our names and date of our wedding day, among other things.

I proceeded to open the little bag, and there was a handmade crystal candle holder, just the one (the other broke, Marc told me) and a little piece of wood in the form of a cross. I have to be honest with you, I wasn't very impressed! I fiddled with the cross thinking, why is he giving me this? He must have guessed my thoughts (he knows me really well!) And said: "I made it, you know". I looked at it a bit closer and saw engraved on the bottom: LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR. I get it, I do struggle with fear and he wrote that. "That's cool, thank you", I said. "No, No, I made the whole thing" he repeated to me. The whole thing?? You mean from a branch? What? I said. Suddenly it sank in, and I started to cry. He made it for me, from scratch. A warm feeling followed and I knew this was one of the best gifts anybody had ever given me.
The thoughtfulness, the hours and days he spend making it. I couldn't believe it! 
He told me the thought came to him one day and then when he went running to the woods, he started looking for a piece of branch that would work for the task. He had never carved anything before! He started to work on it on breaks in the studio while recording, then while mastering the album, sanding it during his train rides ( looking like a freak with a long branch with no form yet) etc...
When he was telling me this, I started to remember how I kept finding a hunting knife (a gift I had given him in Argentina) out of its original place and wondering why Marc kept on moving it? Once I saw it in his jacket pocket and kept insisting: why do you have the knife with you? And he responded: In case I needed to attack a dog. Really? Note: In Luton there's lots of macho men carrying their bull terriers dogs proudly around the streets, or running wild in parks. "No, just joking", he said, still being vague and not really answering my question. Thankfully I dropped the subject. Another time I found it on his night table the night before our anniversary! (Just re reading this, I chuckle because of the sound of it!! he he) 
Now, it all made sense! He had been preparing me the perfect gift. He could bought me any of the hints I have been dropping through the weeks(which, to be honest, he doesn't really get them anyway!) But this was by far the better. He explained that is a celtic holding cross, and it fits perfectly in my hands, the wood is soft to the touch and with one of my favorite verses written on it.  Also I discovered his hidden talent! The cross came out pretty good! I felt very special. I'm indeed very loved.

Monday, 1 March 2010

Counting blessings....

Gratitude monday.
I read about this in one of my favorite blogs that I follow. Since today is monday 1st of March, I decided to start with my list too!!

  1. March 2010 started with lots of sun :)
  2. A walk in the woods, a new place discovered, fresh air and family.
  3. Lemmy's spontaneous laughs and giggles, my favorites noises in the world! 
  4. Walnut cake, what can I say? I do have a sweet tooth :(
  5. Another of Marc's songs finished
  6. Slept in after a late night while Marc watched and played with Lemmy.
  7. Lemmy waking me up this morning, with a tap in my shoulder, a huge smile, calling me mama, mama and a huge hug.
  8. Pizza for Marc & I 
  9. The world of blogs that I just got into it again, but this time with more consistency.
  10. The challenges, inspirations and encouragement I received by my friends blogs.

holy experience

A walk in the woods

And the sun is finally here, and hoping it will stay. Seems like winter lasted a very long time. Today with the sun shining through the windows, those golden rays touching everything at sight, there's hope. Hope to see another beautiful day, hope for sunnier days ahead. It warms my heart, and warms me up to be under those beautiful rays of sunshine!
Marc took advantage of such a glorious day and went running. I stayed back since Lemmy was napping. When he came back, he told me he found a new wood. We should take Lemmy, he will love it!, he said.
So, we got our wellies on and enjoyed a lovely walk into the woods.
Boys did what all boys do, throwing sticks around, running, exploring the land.
Lemmy found a huge stick and used it as his walking stick! It was so cute !!
We really enjoyed it! fresh air and sun, a good convination. Feels like spring is around the corner. I can't wait! Lighter clothes, more walks under the sun, more green and more colors in the trees and gardens.



Lemmy vs the vacuum cleaner

29th of February.

The vacuum cleaner. I wonder what it must look like through his eyes. This big, super noisy machine. I guess It must be pretty intimidating. I'm not sure when it began but Lemmy was really scared of the vacuum cleaner. Big time! It was hard to believe at first, his face would change and he would start crying right away. I would hold him, comfort him, feeling his two little hands griping me with an unbelievable strength. We had to stay in a different room until daddy had finished the chore.  Lemmy would not let me go. I couldn't even distracted him, he kept looking out to the direction of where the noise of the vacuum came from.
As he grew, the fear of the vacuum cleaner remained, a bit less but it was still there. By then, he would run straight to me, and I would hold him while Marc did the job. But this time we stayed in the same room and tried to explain that there was nothing to fear, it is just for cleaning,etc...
A couple of months ago he developed  a love-hate relationship with the vacuum. He started pointing telling us to put it on. He knew that when it is off there is nothing to be scared of, he would touch the buttons,etc. But when it is on, he would run away. 
Once, right after Marc finished vacuuming, he left it still plugged in. Lemmy went and switched the button on, and oh man! I had never seen him run so fast, pushing things out of his way until he made it safe into mummy's arms. Gradually, he began to stay by daddy when he was using it, but only sometimes.
But today he faced his fear. 
He pointed at the vacuum cleaner. I got ready to hold him if he needed it while Marc started the cleaning. Lemmy walked slowly towards Marc observing diligently and asked to help. Limpiar limpiar ( clean clean) 
I was in another room by this point, when I heard a scream: mama, mama...I ran to our bedroom and what did I see? My little man vacuuming the corners with the long brush attachment. He looked up to me with a little grin in his face, and my hat on! What a spectacle! Marc says he started cleaning, saw the hat, put it on and continued the job. 
Another lesson that I learned from this little man! He trusts us, and faced what he was most scared of, from his own initiative and He conquered his fear! 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

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