Snuggles in the middle of the night.

13th of December

My beautiful sweet boy started with a cough a few days ago, follow by a runny nose and then a fever. The cough got worse by day 3, and the fever would come and go. I have never in his short little life seen him so bad. Droopy and drowsy. The first 2 days with the cough he was still himself, but day 3 and 4 were the worst. He could hardly leave the couch. We watched lots of Cars, Toy story 2 and Cars again and Toy Story 2 again and again. He wanted to snuggle, sometimes he would say bye bye Cars and try to fall sleep in my arms while snuggling a bit closer. It was so sad. At one moment I got so scared  I couldn't help but cry. He looked at me with his droopy eyes and asked me: mummy, are you ok mummy? Oh, my sweet love. More concerned about how I was doing than himself. Of course! At this age, mum and dad are his world! It was hard to pull myself together but I had to, at least until daddy got home.
Since the nasty cough or the sweats from the fever made Lemmy wake up many times in the night, we let him stay in our bed. Meaning, he shared the big bed with daddy and I crashed in his bed so we can all have more sleep that way. The first few days he was in such a state that as soon he squeaked I was in the room in a second ( our flat is that small) to snuggle him, dry the sweats, give him water and stay until he fell back to sleep. By day 5 he seemed much chirpier, he actually felt like leaving the couch to play, paint, jump a bit and finally eat some food. His coughs got fewer in the day and the fever disappear. Yesterday, he was sleep by 7pm and a few minutes later he woke up again, to find him sweaty and thirsty. Fell sleep. A few minutes later he woke up again, very upset. I went quickly, and after checking everything was ok, he snuggle and fell back to sleep. When I tried to leave he kept moving his arm in the air ( eyes closed) trying to find me, reaching for me and then began to cry when he was realising I was about to leave. I stayed a little bit longer but by the 3rd time he was "asleep" and try to grab me when I was leaving I got a bit annoyed and left anyway. He began to call me and cry. This time I didn't rush right away. I drank some water quickly, washed my hands, and a few seconds later I came into the room and try to explain Lemmy that I wouldn't stay all night by his side ( that was daddy's job- which by the way he does sleep while I can't- ;) I would stay only a little but until he fells sleep. He got more upset! He understands.
While I was laying by his side, letting him play with my thumbs and fiddling with my pinky ( I admit I like when he does that) my mind started to wonder and think.
First I was thinking how nice these snuggle times are. How sweet he is when he is so peacefully half asleep by my side. How warm, how gentle, how soft and lovely this moments are. Then, I started to think about how it must feel to be in his shoes, especially when I took those extra seconds. If I was a 2 year old, who was in pain while coughing, woken up thirsty and started to call my mummy and she wouldn't come ( A few seconds in a 2 year old is not the same amount of time for us, adults) How would that make me feel?? I thought to myself, I would feel unheard, lonely, rejected, my mummy who always meets my needs so quickly in the day time, why is she taking so long now? It didn't feel good to think myself in his shoes. Actually, it would apply even if he is not ill. How many times an adult wakes up because suddenly is thirsty? or had a bad dream? and the list can go on...that's how they comunicate to us. Even though it was only a few seconds for me, it was longer for him, and I could see it in his eyes and cry. Lemmy now understands the word sorry and he quickly stopped crying and snuggles back. He pads me on the back. Then I thought what kind of father my God is. He never ever leaves my side. In fact, he reaches out to me out before I know I need him. He is constant, he is present, he never leaves me alone to suffer, he never shows up late. Sometimes he may remain silent but his love surrounds and comforts. We are the ones who sometimes don't feel God's presence or think he is far away, when in fact he never left.
Of course I'm not omniscient like God, though I wish I was sometimes! ha! But Im his child and I crave to be a little bit like him each day. And to be honest, to be near my son and comfort him is not a sacrifice,  I love doing it. It is harder for me to do that when I have an agenda but when I let go of the earthly things then I realise what is of real importance now.
I mean, life is already full of cruelty, injustice, illnesses, unfairness, meanness...why would we want to add a bit more unnecessary pain into it?

" what children really need is to be secure and self-confident, and that comes from being loved and well cared for."
"children gain an inner strength from being loved and nurtured, having their needs met, knowing they are loved no matter what." Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen.



 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13

My friend  Leslie's insights are worth checking out! The Playful Parenting book is plain amazing, most is common sense.It resounds in my gut and heart.

My sweet Lemmy at 10 days old.